Top 7 funniest Scans_Daily moments:

 Ah, Scans_Daily. They’ve been “Bringing the crack” since 2003, and recently celebrated their anniversary. Thus I figured, why shouldn’t I get in on the fun? Sure I’m a little late, but it’s never too late to appreciate this humble little website’s many hilarious moments.

  Especially since the hilarity of those moments were almost completely unintentional.

 For those who don’t know, Scans_Daily started in 2003 as a shitty little slash community where horny fans could discuss their favorite pairings. Eventually, they began to reblog stuff from SuperDickery.com (often claiming that they had scanned the issues themselves), more people joined in, and it gradually became more of a general comics posting site, though the retards still remained. These were the days before comics-scanning blogs were really common, so a lot of people flocked to the site because it offered the opportunity to see near complete scans of various issues. An in-flux of people who just wanted to post obscure comics certainly helped. At its height (2006-08), it honestly was a pretty good resource despite a bunch of unfunny running gags, forced catchphrases and wannabe memes (Like people saying “___ doesn’t work that way!”). Particularly notable was this one dude who kept screaming “LIEFELD!” every time someone posted Liefeld art. However, in 2009, one numbnuts who had (somehow) gotten hold of an issue prior to release spoiled the ending, which pissed off author Peter David. He responded fairly civilly, and they told him to go die in a fire. David contacted an attorney, and the whole site got taken down.

 It was back up before long though, but like many things that come back from the dead, it became a soulless caricature of itself, lying in wait beneath the bed to slit your ankles. What was once just some silly scans site became perhaps the single most pretentious, head-up-its-ass “Check your Priviledge” trigger warning-tagged website in the history of the entire internet (until Tumblr one-upped them) in its attempts to prove how “sensitive” it was to the plight of minorities and women. It became the laughingstock of pretty much everybody in fandom, even 4Chan thinks lowly of them. You know those really insulting and unfair strawman caricatures of civil rights activists and feminists that get posted on Fundamentalist Christian and white supremacist websites? Scans_Daily became a real version of those parodies, except crazier.

 

 If you said you liked Alan Scott or Hal Jordan over John Stewart as Green Lantern, you got called a racist privileged pigfucker. Saying you preferred Ray Palmer as the Atom to his Asian replacement? Your opinion gets compared to stamping on minority’s feet. If you called out Frank Miller for characterizing women as whores in so many of his works? You got screamed at for using the word “whores”, regardless of context. Any attempt on your part to explain is “mansplaining” and would probably get you banned. Even if you said something relatively benign like that you approved of more gay characters in comics would likely get you accused of “fetishizing homosexuality” or told that “Gays don’t need your approval” (usually by some straight person). If you used the word ‘lame’? You got accused of making ableist slurs. I wish I was making this shit up. People left the site in droves, even the iconic Liefeld guy.

  This is all pretty funny when you consider that the original version of the site was pretty much just non-stop rape jokes, panels taken out of context to imply sexual activity, racial jokes and offensively stereotypical gay porn being fetishized by straight fans. I can understand wanting to weed out those kinds of people and give the site a better reputation, but the moderators who were going to all these extremes to clean up were the same people who used to do all of that crap. There’s this one mod that goes on and on about how horrible it is for female fans to get called “fake geek girls” who I specifically remember using just such a term in a completely non-ironic way back in the days of the old community. Sadly though, Wayback Machine’s archive for the older site is pretty crappy, so I admit I can’t back this up.

An example of the LGBT-friendly, non-DudeBro humor commonly found on S_D.

 But I am not here to bury Scans_Daily, I am here to praise it. Much like rockabilly music, Ed Wood movies, Chick tracts, 50’s high school sex-ed tapes and that obese relative of undetermined relation who always comes to Thanksgiving and stares lustfully at your youngest niece but gets drunk too fast before he can do anything and vomits all over your carefully prepared kosher turkey, Scans_Daily has a completely unintended charm all its own that makes you welcome it’s return over and over again.
 
 So let’s count down the “best” moments of the brave, fearless Scans_Daily user’s never-ending crusade!

 7) That post is like, lamesville, man:

  You thought I was kidding about the ‘lame’ thing, didn’t you? I can assure you its real, despite what several moderators have said to the contrary on forums mocking S_D:

  As someone who grew up with an invalid brother and then spent two years myself on crutches after an injury and had to undergo excruciating corrective surgery (that still hurts every now and then if I jog too fast), I can understand wanting to be sensitive to people with physical disabilities, so that’s why this ranks so low.

  Still, it’s a common joke that banning words like “lame” is a sign of taking political correctness too far, and when you end up embodying stereotypes, well, that’s pretty lame in of itself.

  6) The Million Nerd March:

 One of the big trends among “geek activists” as of late has been to call out geeks who compare the mockery they’ve faced to racism, sexism, etc. While I’ve definitely seen some geeks who do that kind of shit and definitely need to shut the fuck up, I’ve never really seen that much of it from comics fans except for the occasional idiot who usually isn’t all that popular anyway. What’s even funnier about this is that, in every single instance I’ve seen, the people who whine the loudest about “Stupid geeks calling themselves minorities” usually have no problem counting anime fans, bronies, furries, otherkin, bestiality freaks and various made-up sexualities as oppressed minorities.

 Thankfully, Scans_Daily doesn’t go that far (yet…), but the hypocrisy of people on S_D joining in the “GEEKS ARE NOT A MINORITY!!!111!” mantra is hilarious considering all the whining they do, especially in context of this post, which was about Kick Ass. Browse the Mark Millar tag and you’ll see them scream about all of the nerd jokes and ‘fuck you’s’ to superhero fans that Millar loves to put in his work. Oh sure, they’ll also complain about the plot holes, rape, gore etc. but you can always tell that it’s the nerd jokes that are what’s really pissing them off.

 And the funniest thing is? I actually used to feel the same way about Millar, but now…I’m kinda warming up to that wacky Scotsman and his oeuvre.

  5) Just another case of the white man keepin’ the Spider-Man down:

 “Oh, look at me you guys! I’m so accepting of Miles Morale as the new Spider-Man I didn’t even remember there was a white Spider-Man! Give me a Medal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

  This post was probably a joke given some of the other snarky and un-PC comments the same poster has made (go down to example #3), but you know what? The very fact that it could just as easily have been a genuine post speaks volumes.

4) Slapstick comedy:

  One of the Scans_Daily moderators’ more popular tactics whenever someone tries to calm down or apologize to a poster having a shit-fit is to accuse the person trying to make peace of “tone policing” and saying that the person who is angry has every right to blow their stack, even if they say things that blatantly violate the community rules. Their logic behind this is that anyone who angers someone else must be a “privileged” person (ie. white, straight, male) and that since they belong to non-oppressed groups, they deserve to be called all sorts of names and threatened.

 In theory, I agree with this. If the worst thing a person who isn’t an oppressed minority has to endure as punishment for making an offensive statement is name-calling and threats as opposed to the slurs and actual physical endangerment that minorities face every day, so be it.

  So why then do the S_D mods throw a fit when a female fan talks about how she’d like to slap fandom silly?

 She’s not saying anything about a minority group, she’s calling out others for potentially problematic behavior (which, remember, is encouraged for community good), she’s just using a figure of speech (“I’d love to slap some of those people silly”) and the only people who could possibly be offended are geeks, who we’ve established are not a minority, so what gives?

  I will admit that she was wrong for saying fandom needs to be slapped. The ones who need to be slapped are the mods.

3) Skin n’ Bones:

  Scans_Daily frequently recruits temporary mods when the regular mods need to take a break from pretending to care about social issues and spend a nice weekend over at the new deluxe trailer park, so there are lots of discussions over community changes. When some people rightly called the mods out on their extremism and said the site could be toned down a little, this poster (not a mod) responded by saying that there’s no such thing as being PC and that people who whine about political correctness are so thin-skinned “you could make strudel out of it”:

 Well, I bet you’re just a regular toughie, huh?

  Some years earlier, someone had posted that awful Silver Age Flash story where Grodd makes Barry Allen morbidly obese so he can’t run (A low point for the series, I’ll grant you), and for the most part, everyone had a good laugh over it and got in some clever, if juvenile jokes. And then this one guy made a joke about how the PC police would react if such a story were published today. Cue shit storm:

 Some people responded, being thoughtful and polite. One of them even had weight issues herself:

 This was the response:

 This poor guy innocently mentioned that there have been some overweight heroes in comics, and she responded by sneering at him sarcastically and acting as if he was trying to side against her, even though he was just stating a fact and not trying to counter her in any way:

 And the people who make jokes about political correctness are supposed to be the thin-skinned ones, while people like her aren’t?

 This isn’t the first time she’d done this, interestingly enough. Sometime before that, someone had posted scans from an incredibly offensive Hellboy spin-off from the 90’s filled with racist caricatures and transphobia. Here was her response:

 Gee, could it be that the reason people hate the PC movement is because they allowed blatantly offensive crap like that to get published because they were too busy wasting time on stupid shit like recoloring white characters black in reprints? Way to miss the point.

  Well, I can say one thing is for sure; considering how worked up the subject of obesity got her, she probably wasn’t lying when she said she wasn’t thin-skinned….in the physical sense.

Hey, tough crowd.

2) Screwed the Pooch:

  Carlie Cooper was a recent addition to Spider-Man comics who pretty much no one liked except for the writers, especially when they began pushing her as Peter Parker’s new love interest. Scans_Daily made Carlie-bashing the board’s #1 pastime (next to looking for something to be offended by).  Jokes along the lines of “I hope she gets thrown off the bridge like Gwen Stacy” or ‘She’s Mephisto in disguise” abounded for years without ever getting called out, sometimes even encouraged.

 Then it appeared that the character was going to be written out of the series (Note: She wasn’t). Not written out as in “killed off”, just sort of forgotten or shunted to the sidelines. Naturally, this led to jokes comparing her being written out to the famous ‘Poochie’ episode of The Simpsons where “Poochie”, a lousy new character on the Itchy & Scratchy show, is bluntly written off by going back to his own planet and dying along the way:

 How do the mods react? By saying the joke was promoting violence against women and making light of fridging:

 To be fair, some other guy did made a joke about her being killed like a character from M.A.S.H., but it was obviously the Poochie joke that really pissed them off and which they reacted to the most vehemently:

 Oh, and even though the thread ended in 2011, some nimrod registered to join the site just so he could respond to it…a year later:

 And we wonder why the terrorists hate us.

  1) They know:

 And the ultimate Scans_Daily post? I can’t think of one more fitting than this:

 It doesn’t seem that extreme at first. The guy apparently did use some offensive language, and the mod did try and be friendly, but it shows the damage done: They KNOW that their tactics have people walking on eggshells, scared to post, scared to join. They practically have to beg the guy to stay by switching tone midway to seem welcoming.

Don’t let this scare you off.

 DON’T LET THIS SCARE YOU OFF

DONTLETTHISSCAREYOUOFF

  Look at the dude’s introductory post, where he basically recites a whole pre-rehearsed speech to try and get them to accept him by talking how the site opened his eyes to issues.

 I’ve never seen a more nauseating example of sucking up in my life. That’s the kind of sucking up you do to get back together with an estranged spouse, or to make sure that Don Calzone doesn’t have you fitted for cement shoes after you botched that last heist. This guy is sucking up on that kind of level to join a GODDAMN COMICS POSTING WEBSITE! (And they still threaten him further down the thread even after he edited the post)

 And that’s the way our culture crumbles.

 So here’s to Scans_Daily, may they continue to entertain us for years to come.

This post has been approved by the evil Reptilian shape shifter Masonic Patriarchy Cis-Gendered Neurotypical Thin-bodied White Supremacist Male-privileged Nazi Jew Geek culture-promoting Illuminati that runs the world, sank the Titanic, oppresses water-powered cars and covered up Roswell. We know where you live!