Monday, December 24, 2012

All I want for Christmas II: Electric Boogaloo

  I know I say nasty things about Amazon.com, write nasty articles about the site with screenshots, and complain constantly about their customer service on other sites, but I don’t really hate the website itself, just the reviewers on it, all of whom make a startlingly good argument for bringing back Eugenics.
 Thus, this being the season of new life and forgiveness (and because I’m sick and tired of being visited by those three ghosts) I’ve decided to be nice to Amazon this month and look at their vast selection of stuff for what to get my friends and what I’d expect them to get me. Looks like they have a nice array of new stuff!
 Marvel has recently been putting out ‘First’ collections for heroes of various decades, and they surprisingly have come out with one for the Golden Age heroes!
 Even better though, it will be a cheap trade paperback AND feature some of their more obscure heroes like Dynamic Man, Ferret( Though why they’d even bother with him is anybody’s guess) Destroyer and the Claire Voyant Black Widow! I sure hope Marvel will appreciate the free advertising I did for them by featuring that first BW story on here back in October! (And by appreciate, I mean “Don’t sue me please!!!!!!”).
 I applaud Marvel for doing this. It’s not exactly stuff that I or any of the more well-read GA fans haven’t read, but it will be a good introduction for more casual readers who don’t necessarily like to buy the expensive Masterworks or the long out of print ‘Golden Age of’ volumes, and that’s why I’m getting it for a friend.
 On a more selfish note, I sure hope that *I* get another Golden Age Marvel-related goodie: Softcover GA Sub-Mariner Masterworks! Marvel has recently begun releasing softcover editions of their GA Masterworks, with vastly improved art reproduction and coloring. The original Marvel Mystery and Sub-Mariner Masterworks were appalling, but the new version of MM that they released last year was excellent, as was their GA Captain America Masterwork. Hopefully this new GA Sub-Mariner volume will be as good. I still kinda wish that they’d release a chronological series of every Everett Sub-Mariner story like I wished for last year, but I’ll take what I can get.
 Speaking of last year, I also wished for a Captain Comet Archive from DC and a collection of Alan Davis’s Batman material. Good things come to those who wait.
 Technically, they already did release an Alan Davis collection under the “Legends of the Dark Knight” artists edition line earlier this year, but the pages were out of order and had various other flaws, like coloring splotches and images repeated over and over. Thankfully, DC is being kind enough to release an improved edition. I can’t wait! Totally on my “to get’ list.
 The Captain Comet Archive is the real surprise for me though. I always considered a CC Archive a pipe dream that would never happen, but with the character now being used as a villain in the current Superman titles and with Marvel coming out with a Guardians of the Galaxy movie, I guess they decided now was the time to focus attention on him. Who knows, maybe they’ll even give him a new series.
Special note: This is a very old fan mock-up.

  Moving away from stuff available on Amazon, there are some other bizarre pieces of merch coming out.
 Like the Watchmen toaster:
"And the toast will look up and shout "Butter us", and I'll look down and whisper: No".

 Mmmm. Mmmmm. Nothing better to start the day with than buttering and eating toast cooked with the broken dreams of a bearded British man and imprinted with the mask patterns of a raving lunatic designed to parody Steve Ditko characters.
 Seriously though, whose bright idea was it to make a Watchmen toaster? That would be like making a Nightmare on Elm Street toaster, totally stupid and---OHMYGOD:
"I'm part of your balanced breakfast now, Nancy"

 I’m all for using the classic logo, but in this case it actually would be more fitting to use the current logo, since it would mean there are two toasters out there based on properties that have involved Jackie Earle Haley.
 Anyway, stupid as those are, they’ll still make great conversation pieces and joke presents, so sign me up. My buddy Walt “Whale-Fetus” who runs the humor site Avatar Fans are Mentally Ill (Which I contribute screenshots to) would love to have either of ‘em.
 Hey wait a minute; both of those toasters haven’t had release dates set!
 Come to think of it, the Captain Comet Archive isn’t set to be released until late August of next year!
 And the Marvel Firsts collection isn’t going to be released until Februrary!
 The improved LOTDK Alan Davis book also isn’t going to be released until February!
 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How am I going to explain to my friends? How am I going to be able to get them substitute gifts when today is Christmas Eve? WHY? WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?
 Oh well, at least the Sub-Mariner is already out.
 And in the end, comics and stupid novelty merchandise isn’t what matters. What really matters are the essentials;
 Turboman action figures,
 Red Ryder BB guns,
 and Cha-Cha Heels.
 And of course, the roof over my head.
~
Merry Christmahanakwanzadan to everyone!

2 comments:

  1. Hey! Nice to see a mention of me!

    I know this is justa joke post, but man, I really would love to have those toasters jsut for the crack value.

    Merry Christmas man. You just may yet get one of those things as a suprise.

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