My Stay at the House of Mystery Part 2:

 It’s my second night here, and guess what I’m going to review? That’s right, the very first issue of House of Mystery from 1951! (Well, technically, I’m reviewing the Millennium Edition reprint from 2000)

 I know DC’s horror comics have their fans, but by and large, DC’s horror anthology output was pretty weak. Welcome Back to the House of Mystery may not exactly have been the most sterling of compilations (What with it featuring stories that had already been reprinted, stories only reprinted because of the art, and stories not even from House of Mystery) but all in all it summed up DC’s horror output quite well. The main reason House of Mystery had lasted so long after the code was basically because, well, it really hadn’t gone for the kind of luridness that other publishers’ horror comics had reveled in.

 Thus, considering how tame DC’s horror comics were even in the 70s (Barring the occasional shocker from Michael Fleischer or John Albano, of course), you just have to cringe at the thought of how tame their early 50’s stuff had to have been! An unenthusiastic review that I remembered reading of this issue on some now gone and forgotten Geocities site that compared these stories to Scooby Doo plots wasn’t exactly encouraging. Nevertheless, I opened up this issue, and dug in.

 Color me surprised. While it’s true there’s no gore, crazy rambling plots, or cruelly ironic twist endings, so what? Horror should be all about the ambience, and this first issue gets by on atmosphere, characterization, and solid writing (Well, for comics). I wouldn’t exactly compare it to Val Lewton or something, but this is “clean” horror done right. While it’s true that two (Arguably three) of the four stories here have what modern audiences would call out as Scooby Doo endings, they both manage to be very entertaining and well thought out.

 So let’s explore these new rooms, the oldest ones in the house. Spoilers abound, as usual.

 Room #1: “I Fell in Love with a Witch”. Art by Curt Swan:

 A slightly shady but likeable private investigator named Carter Blake meets and befriends a woman named Jean Brewster while on a train, and various coincidences force them to continually run into each other. By the end of the day, they’re contemplating marriage.

 Sounds like a typical, poorly written comic book romance, right? No, because Blake himself begins to realize the ridiculousness of it all, and get suspicious when he considers all the coincidences that have led up to this after a friend jokes about how he barely knows Jean but is marrying her. Blake starts wondering if some sort of strange power is what has drawn him to her.

 Then he finds out that Jean has been married before, and every one of her husbands has died mysteriously, with rumors swirling that she’s jinxed or a witch. Gotta be a coincidence right? Then bizarre incidents occur which endanger his life, and each of them occurs after he kisses Jean. Still has to be a coincidence, right? Maybe his mind is playing tricks on him, or maybe an angry client is trying to kill him. He better think fast…

 How does this room check out? I’m going to spoil this one. It turns out that an angry client has been trying to kill Blake, and is responsible for cutting his tires, and the story apparently ends happily.

 However, there are several odd things that stick out, and leave me wondering if they really are just plot holes, or some of the most subtle writing I’ve read in horror comics. For example, it’s never revealed how all those strange circumstances occurred which drew Blake to Jean, or why her ex-husbands have all died. There’s also a scene where Jean reveals that what Blake thought was a mandrake root was actually driftwood from Cape Cod. Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, and we all know what happened there…

 Is it possible that although Blake’s client was trying to kill him and Blake’s imagination filled in some details, Jean really is a witch, or at least a murderess? This isn’t just conjecture; there are actually bits in the story that support this, in spite of the all’s well that ends well final panel. If so, then that’s damn subtle writing for a 50’s comic book. If it isn’t, then that’s still impressive writing if the story can be that ambiguous unintentionally.

 In any case, I enjoyed this more than I expected to. Some parts are a little sexist, and there’s some stuff which can’t be explained away as intentional ambiguities, but it holds up surprisingly well. Also, who knew Curt “Superman” Swan could create such moody art? 4/5.

 Room #2: “Man or Monster?”. Art by Bob Brown:

 Dr. Jason Hunt jokingly writes down the formula for a Jekyll & Hyde type potion after visiting the home of a recently deceased man who was interested in the occult. He creates the potion as a joke, and stupidly puts it in a milk bottle. After his maid (Whom he seems to delight in telling to shut up) accidentally gives it to him and he drinks it, he becomes a monster and starts killing people every night.

 How does this room check out? Sounds pretty slapdash and unoriginal doesn’t it?

 Yes, in concept. But in execution, this is easily one of the most impressive and unique Jekyll & Hyde variations I’ve read in comics. For one thing, Hunt isn’t exactly a likeable character, but something of an ass. However, he doesn’t want to kill people, and even further, the people he targets aren’t just strangers, but his friends. You have to admit that’s a pretty creepy premise: You suddenly feel compelled to kill your friends, and don’t know why. Hunt’s guilt is believably portrayed, and when he learns what his evil self’s motivation is, he’s doubly horrified; because it’s over something he has genuinely forgiven and forgotten.

 Then there’s how his transformations are portrayed. Hunt doesn’t take the potion and expect different results, nor are the transformations uncontrollable; instead, he is compelled to continually drink the potion against his will. Taken out of context, the scenes of him trying to restrain himself read exactly like someone struggling with drug addiction:

I hate to say that this has happened to me a few times

 The ending is also surprisingly dark:

 Definitely the creepiest story in the book, even though it’s based on a theme that was done to death even then. Bob Brown’s art is also top notch. 5/5.

 Room #3: “The Curse of Seabury Manor”. Art possibly by Bernie Krigstein:

 Another old, familiar plot: A daredevil resolves to spend a night in a haunted house.

 This particular house has a curse on it so that whoever enters and leaves will die within 24 hours. Dan Perry is up to the challenge, and everything goes swell…until he gets the bright idea to go back to the house for proof that he was there.

 How does this room check out? If they gave industry awards for prose in comic books back in the 50s, this would have won for sure:

 This is a pretty straight-forward ghost story, and it’s similar to “I Fell in Love with a Witch” in that the supernatural is left ambiguous. The difference being that here, it’s clearly intentional and not just a plot hole that could possibly have been an intentional ambiguity.

 Like “Man or Monster”, the execution is what makes the stock plot work. The story is moody, establishes it’s characters and their personalities quickly and through their actions, and the ambiguity is perfectly played out: Perry’s tragic fate really could be either the work of a curse or caused by his own foolhardiness. This one doesn’t have an easy answer, and is all the spookier for it.

That's some pretty introspective characterization for 1951

 Oh, and by the way, it accomplishes all of this in just 4 pages. 4/5.

 Room #4: “Wanda was a Werewolf”. Art by John Prentice:

 An engineer named Doug goes to visit his fiancée Wanda in her home town. He soon finds that she and her family are quite unpopular with the locals, reason being that they’re werewolves. Or are they?

 How does this room check out? This one is also similar to “I Fell in Love with a Witch” in that it has a man suspecting his fiancée (Whose past he conveniently knows nothing about) of being a supernatural being. Unfortunately, it lacks that story’s ambiguity and atmosphere. This one fully cops to giving a “logical” explanation.

 There’s also some very funny writer-artist miscommunication going on, since although mention is made of Wanda leaving paw prints, her werewolf form is no different from her human form; she is merely shown running with wolves. Oh well, at least the artist delivered on the cover image, and the cartoony art style does give the local hillbillies an appealing Lil’ Abner feel. Enjoyable, and worthy of being the cover feature, even if it is the weakest story in the book. 3.5/5.

 Even considering all of its flaws, I still have to say this was a very impressive first issue. Only two of the stories (“Witch” and “Wanda”) used the Scooby Doo cop-out that I’ve heard the early issues of this series criticized for, and “Witch” was still plenty ambiguous. They were both still atmospheric and enjoyable, which is what should count. “Man or Monster?” and “Curse of Seabury Manor” are both fantastic chillers despite their stock plots, and easily the standouts of the issue. Sometimes it’s just nice to have a book where all the stories are good or at least enjoyable.

 Perhaps what sets this issue apart mainly though, is the feeling that the people who put this together cared. Most horror comics have a two-act set-up; introduction and then skip to the twist ending. These stories all go out of their way to follow a three act structure and to make room for characterization and mood setting. These stories are also very text heavy, and that text is very well-written, suggesting that whoever wrote these stories took inspiration from the classier horror radio shows of the time, or from some of the more intellectual horror writers. It would explain the restraint on monsters and violence, as even the most violent story here (“Monster”) doesn’t show a single drop of blood, which is definitely a temptation to use when writing comics, since they are a visual medium.

 The House of Mystery comics published from the 60s to the 80s were definitely some weak stuff enlivened mostly by the art, and it’s quite possible that the decay had set in even earlier, and that I might hate the subsequent pre-code issues of this series if I were to ever get my hands on them. However, for this first issue, I can certainly say that House of Mystery was well worth spending a night at.

The continental breakfast sucks though

My Stay at the House of Mystery Part 1:

 It seems you couldn’t go wrong with a collection of DC’s anthology horror stories. They had fantastic artists working for them like Wrightson, Joe Orlando, Wally Wood (The latter two being EC alumni), their premiere horror title House of Mystery lasted all the way from 1951 to 1983, and they published the famous “Hopping down the bunny trail” story in Unexpected that a truly shocking number of people who don’t read comics are familiar with. In what ways could you possibly go wrong with such a collection?

Well, haphazardly chosen stories, outright stinkers chosen because of good art, focus on only one era of the comic’s history, inclusion of stories that are not even from House of Mystery (Although to be fair, this gets commented on in the framing sequence), and modern comedic vignettes by Sergio Aragones that are often more entertaining than the stories themselves are some of the ways.

 Now, this is not a collection you should pass up, by all means. If you see it, get it. The majority of this stuff has never been reprinted elsewhere to the best of my knowledge (Though to be fair, I don’t know how far the Showcase TPBs have gotten); it’s just that you can see why it hasn’t. Thus, if you need my opinion rammed down your throat, feel free to keep reading. Also, spoilers.

 This piece of real estate is about to be evaluated, room by room.

 Room #1: “The Gourmet” from Plop! #1, by Steve Skeates & Bernie Wrightson.

 Isn’t it a great sign when a “best of” collection starts out with a story that isn’t even from the series it purports to collect? Actually, I can overlook this, because it’s one of the better tales in this collection.

 The aptly named Vernon Glute is a rich man who likes eating frog legs and exotic fruits. Since he demands his frog legs to be as fresh as possible, his chef slaughters the frogs right in the kitchen. However, one day, the chef is mysteriously attacked, with a strange screeching noise coming from the kitchen, as if dozens of wheels are spinning. What could be the cause?

 Well, this:

 How does this room check out? Not bad, that’s a fantastically surreal image to end a story on! Sadly, that isn’t the end, it continues for another page, and then it just gets stupid, not to mention that it doesn’t make a lick of sense. Plop! was intended to be a horror/comedy series, and this story fails because Skeates didn’t end the joke while it was still funny. That image of the frogs cornering Glute is the perfect “punchline”.

 Also, Vernon Glute may come off as kind of a dick, but since it’s not he who cuts off the frog’s legs, but his chef, as well as that he apparently has no knowledge of the fact that the chef is letting the frogs live with their limbs chopped off instead of humanely killing them, he doesn’t quite come off as deserving of his fate. Still, it’s a good concept with nice art. 3/5.

 Room #2: “Sno’ fun” by Sergio Aragones (As the writer!) and Wally Wood from House of Mystery #199.

 Dr. Peterson murders his colleague so that he can take credit for finding a lost civilization in Antarctica. He ends up being trapped underground after falling through a crack in the ice, where he is taken in by a strange race of creatures that devolved from humans, and who melt when exposed to normal temperatures.

 Slowly, he adapts to the environment, and escapes, only to find out that he’s changed more than he’s realized:

"and all that I can say is that I hate the smell of ammonia and grow faint at a draught of unusually cool air "

 How does this room check out? Pretty good, even though the ending is a bit predictable for anyone who has ever read Lovecraft’s “Cool Air”. The Antarctic creatures are fascinatingly weird; I wouldn’t mind seeing them brought into DC continuity (Marvel brings monsters from its horror and sci-fi comics into continuity all the time). Wally Wood’s art is fine as usual. 4/5.

 Room #3: “Nightmare” by Neal Adams from House of Mystery #186.

 A young girl with shitty parents has bizarre dreams involving a vaguely pedophilic monster.

 Nah, it’s nothing like that. It’s a story about a lonely little girl in a Dickensian household who becomes friends with the god Pan in her dreams, and he saves her from some nightmare monsters.

 How does this room check out? It tries to be a tearjerker, but c’mon, it’s about Pan (The greek satyr god who screws anything that moves) following a little girl around trying to take her to “his world” and making her close her eyes for a "surprise".

"Hello, Dateline? This is going to sound kind of weird..."

 I’m sure Adams was trying to pattern the relationship of the girl and Pan off of Lucy and Tumnus from The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, but it just comes off as creepy. If anyone other than Adams had drawn this story no one would remember it. Nice work on the monsters though. Good pacing too, for a story with such big panels. 2.5/5.

 Room #4: “Secret of the Egyptian Cat” by Bob Kanigher & Bernie Wrightson from House of Mystery #186 (Man, they just love that issue, don’t they?).

 Fun fact: Bernie Wrightson invented furry porn:

 Yeah that’s right internet, once again the world of comic books has pre-dated your depravity.

 How does this room check out? The heroine is a woman turned into a cat, so the evil sorcerer who did the deed gets his comeuppance by being turned into a…You know what? Let’s make this review interactive and offer up a guessing game for what he gets turned into:

A) A mouse.

B) Cat-Nip.

C) A red laser pointer dot (My two cats love chasing those around)

D) A fuzzy ball.

E) Steve Gutenberg.

 Winner gets a special Blu-Ray double feature of The Day the Clown Cried and London after Midnight with commentary by D.B. Cooper, Bigfoot and the guy who killed OJ’s wife. 1.5/5.

 Room #5: “The House of Endless Years” by Gerry Conway & Bill Draut from House of Secrets #83.

 Some kids find a mysterious old mansion while looking for their lost brother. The owner of the place is an old hag who everyone in the village remembers as being old even several decades ago. What is her secret?

 How does this room check out? This is interesting, because it’s one of the earliest “horror” issues of HOS after a decade of that title being devoted to science fiction and superheroes (Such as Bernard Baily's masterpiece Prince Ra-Man). The twist here is pretty good: All I’m going to say is that the old hag’s secret isn’t that she’s immortal. 3/5.

 Room #6: “The Demon Within” by John Alabano & Jim Aparo from House of Mystery #201.

 A little boy has the ability to turn into a monster, which he uses to go around pulling pranks on people. His parents, who seem to be less concerned with the fact that their son can turn into a freakin’ monster, and more concerned over the “impropriety” of it all, resort to desperate measures to make the boy “normal”. I’m not spoiling this one.

I never thought Jim Corrigan would be such a strict dad

 How does this room check out? Best story in this collection so far. This is one of those stories that works because so much goes unexplained: How did the kid acquire his ability? Why do people act as if the kid is just being really obnoxious instead of, you know, calling the National Guard because there’s a monster on the loose?

 All in all, it’s a memorably weird story that serves as a metaphor for how parents try to force their kids to be normal through medication, etc. It actually won Albano an award. 4/5.

 Room #7: “The Burning” by Jack Oleck & Mike Sekowsky (With inks by Tom Palmer) from House of Mystery #206.

 A man named Adam Strat wakes up with no memory in the home of an old witch named Meg. Although Meg is a witch, she is kind to Adam, but he wants nothing to do with her and sells her out to the villagers (Even though they shun him) to be burned at the stake. He’s about to discover why he has no memories…

 How does this room check out? My personal favorite of the collection, even though the dialogue is weak and Tom Palmer obviously re-drew this entire story himself. It’s a nasty little revenge yarn that would have fit in perfectly with the EC’s. Somewhere, Nathaniel Hawthorne is smiling. I also really like how the witch’s accuser is an outcast himself; people too often forget that in real witch-hunts in the past, it was usually society’s scummiest outcasts who did the accusing, often because they were afraid of being accused themselves. 4/5.

 Room #8: “His Name is Kane” by Mike Friedrich & Gil Kane from House of Mystery #180.

 Gil Kane kills Mike Friedrich for harassing him with deadlines, so he gets sucked into his own artwork. Huh?

 How does this room check out? An odd self-referential piece which comes off even odder when you consider just how limited Friedrich’s output had been up to this point in his career. Guess you’re never too young for self-parody. Amusing and well-drawn, but nothing more. 2/5. 

 Room #9: “Oh Mom! Oh Dad! You’ve sent me away to summer camp and I’m so sad!” by Michael Fleischer & Alex Nino from House of Mystery #212.

 A young boy named Richie who is confined to a wheelchair gets dumped at a summer camp by his parents, and is tormented by the other children because they think he’s a “spy” for the counselors. Then kids start mysteriously dying… Then counselors start mysteriously dying…

 How does this room check out? Although the sci-fi twist ending may ruin it for some, this is definitely the creepiest and most suspenseful story in the book. Michael Fleischer does a great job capturing the protagonist’s vulnerability and isolation, as well as the cruelty and paranoia of the other children. Only problem is Alex Nino’s art, which perfectly suits surreal, otherworldly stories, but feels a bit out of place for a story that’s supposed to be realistic up until the twist. 4/5.

 Room #10: “Molded in Evil” by Ed Noonchester, George Kashdan & Bernie Wrightson from Plop! #5.

 Pierre Gouny is a sculptor who has found a way to make his sculptures come to life, and he intends to create a beautiful young woman whom he can run away with. However, his nagging wife destroys the statue, so Pierre kills her and makes her corpse up to look like a gargoyle:

I would have watched "Norbit' if it had ended like this

 How does this room check out? Ah good, a Plop! story that’s funny!

 Keep the womenfolk away from this one at all costs. 3.5/5.

 Well, five out of ten isn’t bad, but all in all, this is a pretty mediocre “Best of” collection. I mean, even if it was a set-up for a gag, it’s pretty telling when you have to include stories from other series. Maybe this was done as a shout-out to the 1972 Amicus Tales from the Crypt movie, where only a few stories were actually from Tales from the Crypt, but I doubt it.

 Oh, by the way, all of the Bernie Wrightson stories from this issue had already been reprinted before in DC’s Masterworks Series of Great Comic Book Artists #3, so they definitely weren’t chosen for quality, but just to save on printing plate costs. How lazy can you get?

 All in all, it was fun to be welcomed back to the House of Mystery, but I wouldn’t want to stay there again at those prices, especially with such hit-and-miss room quality...

 Oh wait? What’s that? I get another free night? Looks like I’m going to be staying a little while longer after all!

The Hangman vs Lon Chaney Sr and Tod Browning

  Hey, do you know what time it is kids?

 That’s right; it’s time for another completely fucked up Hangman story from Archie Comics/MLJ in the 40s! OhBoyOhBoyOhBoy.

 Last time we saw the appropriately named Mr. Dickering in action, he fought a villain loosely based on the Phantom of the Opera. It sure must have gone over well with readers, because we got to see it a second time in Black Hood Comics #14 a few years later. Actually, it’s more likely that the editors were just completely lazy and idea-starved, but I like to think that someone out there was just a really big Phantom fan.

 Well, it’s not quite Phantom-related, but this impressively sadistic story is sure to find favor with fans of the Phantom’s greatest portrayer: Lon Chaney Sr; the Man of a Thousand Faces. If you’re also a fan of Chaney’s collaborations with cult director Tod Browning, you’ll love this one, as it has exactly the kindof plot they would have loved, just with a superhero thrown in.

 Here’s “The Hangman & The Snail” from Pep Comics #44. Because really, what could be more full of “pep” than adultery, attempted murder, horrible spinal injuries, gruesome torture schemes, violence against women, and fantastically twisted artwork by Bob Fujitani that looks like the result of an unholy collaboration between Jack Cole and Graham Ingels?

 HaHa! Yeah, Hangman! He sure got what he deserved! He sure was an “evil” guy! HaHa! He sure deserved to burn to death and then have his deformity taunted! I’m sure you would have shown mercy to Samson & Bella if you’d beaten him to the punch!

 Man, even Frank Castle isn’t this much of a hypocrite.

 Okay, I admit that Twisto comes off as kind of abusive and his revenge scheme is pretty sick, but damn.

"Wholesome entertainment"

 Morality aside, the plot elements that this story cribs from various Chaney/Browning films are pretty extensive, even taking some elements from Freaks (1932), which Browning made after Chaney’s death. For those of you who aren’t Chaney/Browning fans, let me present the films in question and the specific scenes:

- A cuckolded performer whose spine gets bent, and who then ‘slithers’ around:

 - A man who ends up getting stuck in the twisted form he masquerades as:

- The treacherous strongman and a beautiful trapeze artist/animal trainer who conspire to do away with the woman’s "freak" husband through a poisoning scheme that goes awry:

 - A gruesome revenge scheme that involves weights, horses and pulling someone’s limbs off:

 It’s all too specific to be a coincidence as far as I’m concerned. Still, if you’re going to swipe, swipe from the best, and when it comes to twisted melodramas about disfigurement, circuses and complex revenge scenarios, Chaney & Browning could trump the makers of modern “torture porn” flicks any day.

 On a lighter note, the Snail’s appearance doesn’t seem to be based off of any Chaney characters, or even any horror villains, but rather, it seems to be based off of Henry Brandon’s portrayal of Barnaby in the Laurel & Hardy version of Babes in Toyland (Or March of the Wooden Soldiers, as it’s called today). He doesn’t have Barnaby’s distinctive glasses or goatee, but the attire and hunched over walk is unmistakable:

 Barnaby is supposed to be the “Crooked man who walked a crooked mile and had a crooked house” of nursery rhyme fame, and The Snail certainly rivals him in that department, just check out the splash page again!

 When a comic combines Lon Chaney/Tod Browning horror films with Laurel & Hardy movies based off of children’s operettas to create a villain, you know you have something crazy!