-Internet
memes have finally gone mainstream, with Grumpy Cat and Trollface finally
getting their own movies:
-Gary Oldman
pissed his career down the drain.
-Sony’s anti-Kim
Jong Un comedy The Interview was
pulled (supposedly) because of North Korean hacker attacks, then given a
limited release in indie theaters. This can only mean either one of two people
has come back from the dead: 1) Kim Jong Il, finally getting revenge over his
portrayal in Team America: World Police
or 2) William Castle, who just helped Sony pull off the greatest publicity
stunt of modern times. Either way, don’t expect to see any more Seth Rogen
movies playing at indie theaters again.
-My fellow Californians have had to deal with a drought,
then weeks of near-torrential rain that still
didn’t help.
-A found-footage approach, no costumes, ridiculous
casting choices and Doctor Doom being made into an internet troll, smug statements about the source material from both employees and defenders, as well as
absolutely no promotional material or set photos being offered (even though
films not coming out for another two years already have teaser trailers out). Boy,
the new Fantastic Four movie sure
sounds like a winner! Ten bucks says it won’t be screened for critics.
-Dracula and Maleficent were actually pretty decent.
The characters, I mean, their movies were only so-so. I really, really wanted to like both more than I did.
-The mystery of Jack the Ripper has finally been
solved!!!---again, supposedly, kinda, not really, not at all.
-With cringe-worthy ‘romantic’ scenes, drastic tonal
shifts (Mourning one minute, next minute “I AM DE VHRINO!!!”), poorly used
villains that make Spider-Man 3’s use
of villains seem well-planned, dozens of ridiculous subplots (Peter’s parents
are such an important part of the
mythos, don’t you know?) and forced attempts at building its own cinematic
universe to compete with the MCU, The
Amazing Spider-Man 2 is quite possibly the most fascinating clusterfuck of
a film released in the past decade. With ASM3 being pushed back further and
further, and rumors of Marvel getting the rights back, it’s going to look awkward
as hell in a few years.
Dane Dehaan
was good though, even after turning into robo-Beavis:
I also cannot
get over this display case:
A friend of mine accidentally got one in advance
and we considered taking it around town and photographing it in weird places.
Thankfully, sobriety prevailed.
-A Furry convention was (supposedly) gassed by trolls and dozens were rushed to the hospital, sparking an outrage online. I
don’t see what the big deal is, aren’t these people supposedly subjected to
attacks like this every day according to their Tumblr posts?
-Speaking of Tumblr and conventions, the first
Tumblr convention, called Dashcon, was organized. Not surprisingly, it failed hilariously, with all involved trying pathetically to pretend that they had fun
and acting like they ‘get’ jokes about the con. Yeah right, if these people
could take a joke that well, the site wouldn’t even exist.
More virgins than a Monastery
Also,
consider how many of these people claim to be non-white and physically
disabled. If even half of those claims were true, a quick glimpse of the con
should show, if not a majority of such people, a sizeable amount that could not
be missed in any big shot of the con. Well, there are pics showing pretty much
everyone who was there, and I don’t see any
non-whites or people whose physical impairments are noticeable enough to cause
them discrimination worth complaining about. “Most diverse site on the
internet” my ass.
OMG! One black guy! Sooo diverse!!!1!
-Look, I know Man
of Steel didn’t please everyone, but did they really have to reboot it with
Godzilla?
-Internet semi-celeb Chris Chan had a pretty rough
year. First his house burned down, then he found out several former friends of
his were anything but, and now he’s been arrested for assaulting a Gamespot employee (and it seems this time, he’s really going to get the book thrown at
him). Back in Chris’s glory days in 2009, someone said this whole affair would
be “so funny if it wasn’t so sad”, and five years later, that someone is still
right.
-Scientists have managed to successfully transplant the brain of a worm into a robotic body. I for one, welcome our new robo-worm
overlords.
-IMDb message boards reveal that 90% of Turks who
have internet access have never heard of Dracula (the character) prior to Dracula Untold and think the movie was
intended as a serious biopic. What is it with Turks not hearing of famous fictional characters associated with bats and then getting outraged by movies with them?
-Having been abandoned by SJWs and declared
“Oppressors”, no one paying any attention to the zillions of shitty
documentaries being made every week about them, and with even the most hardcore
fans acknowledging that the show no longer has any adult appeal (As if it ever
did), Bronies are officially out of the limelight.
Breaking
Bad
fans are also out of the picture now. Even though the show has ended, Heisenberg is
a cultural icon. The most mainstream an “edgy” show can possibly get.
Doctor Who fans also left the show in
droves over the new, less fanfic-able actor playing the Doctor. Sherlock fans also turned against the show.
In fact, it seems Tumblr has now turned against Benedict Cumberbatch in general,
and is calling his (rumored) casting as Dr. Strange “whitewashing” (Doctor
Strange isn’t white? News to me).
So with
Bronies, Breaking Bad fans and the
Superwholock fanbase out of the picture, which new obnoxious fandom will take
over the internet next?
-Strange
Magic, George Lucas’s rumored adaptation of Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream for kids
suddenly popped up with announcements for a late January release. From the
looks of it, it seems more like A
Midwinter’s Tax Write Off, with sub-Dreamworks humor. It’s obvious no one
expects to this to be a hit, but an awful lot of care seems to have gone into
those character designs, so who knows? Actually, you know what? I’m more
intrigued by this than I was by anything in the Force Awakens trailer, and that's not even a slam against Abrams.
-Jake Gyllenhall’s performance in Nightcrawler was nothing short of
incredible, and the same goes for the rest of the film. This one deserves all
the Oscars it gets, hands down.
-Captain
America: The Winter Soldier was not just an excellent sequel, but probably
the best political thriller in years. And not to rip on Iron Man 3 again, but was also far more relevant than whatever
message that film had. That film criticized an out-of-power president and vice
president years after they were gone, this film had something to say about what is going on
NOW. I also really don’t get all the “MCU films are
for kids” criticism, this was more adult and over kid’s heads than anything
Nolan did in his Batman trilogy.
Best films:
Anyway, Happy New Year! Maybe I'll even manage 10 posts!
